Friday, March 31, 2006

My first story

Hi All,

This is my first story . ( Actually the second , the first being in Tamil . Also the earlier attempt never saw the light of the day :) Nobody read that. So this can be called as my first story )

Here goes....

Aditi and Anand are in love.

It all started in the first semester. It was the first day of college, Aditi was a nervous wreck. All her friends had warned her about ragging. Though being a premier institution, her college was renowned for "ragging". She was worried and kept dreaming the worst possible scenarios, that can happen.

All her imagination didn't go in vain. Aditi was a beautiful girl, with graceful walk, big bright eyes, long silky hair, and angelic , captivating face. The moment she stepped into college, a senior gang, noticed her. They called her aside, and started talking to her. They all appeared as cinema villains to the innocent ,naive mind of Aditi. As if her life was a movie, out of the blue came Anand, Their eyes met for an instant , and that instant was enough for Aditi , for she knew instinctively that he was not only her savior but also her future.

Thus started their love story. They had their ups and downs but they held on.
After five years, during which Anand had finished his MBA from IIM-A and Aditi had completed her engineering . Both were settled with great jobs..
They decided to take the next step . They planned to get married. Surprisingly, there were no villainous parents. Both were smart, talented, good looking. Even their parents knew, they could never hope to find a better match.

Anand wanted to gift the perfect house for his beautiful angel. During their long courtship ,on one of the occasions ,on a long drive on the ECR , she had squealed with delight, upon coming across a small, elegant beachside cottage. He had vowed to himself that he would do whatever it takes to present it as their marriage gift.

Now was the perfect time to go buy it. On a auspicious day, just weeks before their marriage they set out, seeking "their" property. When they came to the cottage, they found it deserted.
There was no sign of human inhabitation. All around, wild trees had grown,giving the whole place a desolated feel. Aditi had second thoughts , is this the place she wanted to spend her rest of her life? Surely no. Not such a haunted looking cottage..

Disappointed they were about to turn back, when an old man walked towards them .
He noticed their disappointment in their eyes, and yelled..

"Go away..Kids.. This is not the place for you. Strange things have been happening at night. Windows keep fluttering. I keep hearing a woman wailing all through the night. The place is haunted. Don't come here. She'll seek you. And then , she'll kill you. Go away."

Even in the mid of march , in the blazing heat, they were chilled to the bones. They quickly turned back. Aditi clung to him, as though she might lose him the very next minute if she didn't hold on.. Terrified they made a hasty departure.

They got married.Few weeks of bliss went by. Though they seemed the happiest couple on earth, Aditi could sense something troubling Anand. She could sense the quiet moments of reflection, in his faraway eyes, which upon her inquisitive gaze would turn into a drawling smile, chiding her questioning gaze. Somehow he wasn't his usual self ever since the visit to the haunted cottage. He seemed different , as though he was on the verge of disclosing a grave secret.

Suddenly , one day, driven by impulse, Anand decided to give "their" haunted cottage a visit. He was still feeling guilty for not presenting her with the only house she had desired. Deciding to brave odds, he asked Aditi to get ready. Noticing his excited state, Aditi got ready without asking a word.

She had no clue as to what was in store for them ..


I know how I want to end the story , but I want the audience response. All those who read are welcome to write their own version of the climax. The original climax will be posted in a week depending on the response. Also complying to a request from one of my good friends, will post a second climax, which would be selected from the comments.

Come on guys and girls, write out your version.

13 comments:

Vasudevan Deepak Kumar said...

Perhaps, my guess could be, the cottage might have disappeared, since East Coast Road is getting evacuated and real estate value significantly dropping, thanks to the TSunami Tidal Tragedy of December 2004.

But I think, cottages such as these, are not for permanent settlements for normal life other than an occasional rest and relaxation.

It does make an interesting reading though. I am fondly reminded of Robert Frost:

"The Woods are lovely dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep"

Prathiba said...

@ Deepak,

Thanks for your comment.
and welcome to my blog.
By the way, even i am particularly fond of those lines by Robert Frost..Maybe unconsiously,deep down it influenced me :)

Srini said...

..to their utter disappointment there were no signs of the cottage at all.

Shocked to their nerves, both of them were staring repeatedly towards the deserted highway and the surroundings, making sure they were at the right place. They were indeed! Adding to Anand's excitement, he could now hear some distant sound of the cuccos in an utterly deserted neverland. He knew his dear wife would be even more scared than himself. Before even he could turn around and share his feeling with his wife, the unexpected happened. She came near and whispered "Darling, don't you hear the sound of birds !".

Anand now half mindedly, vaguely remembering his whereabouts yelled, "But where can the sound come from ?"

"Look out of the window Darling" came the sweet voice of Aditi, standing besides the day dreaming Anand with a hot morning cup of rich smelling Coffee. "It has been 2 years since we are living at this Dream Paradise and you still have scary dreams !".

Pushing the Coffee cup towards her husband,who gracefully accepted it, Aditi rushed to pick up crying Akshayaa, their 8 months old daughter.

Srini said...

Real good story it was. Very well narrated. Absolute brilliant writing skills. Full credits :-) Keep going. The best thing you've got to do now is to go and comment on all famous IndiBlogs, helping yourself to get recognized. You are sure to mark your identity as a good Metro/Indi female blogger.

BTW, expecting the original climax. Though early to ask, can't resist how you would have framed. Any clues to readers :-) ?

Prathiba said...

@ Srini,

Thats was a really nice end. Really liked it. Now i am afraid. What if my readers like your version better.

And also thanks for wishes. Still there's a long way to go. And really dunno whether it is "that " good. Will take time before i post comments on all indiBloggers.

Prathiba said...

@ Srini,

Yep a tiny clue. The story is what it was originally intended to be.

(This comment is subject to interpretations ) :)

Anonymous said...

An excited anand took his beloved wife dubs on his tricycle and pedalled full shpeed towards their dream house. Fate made them meet another tricycle in the middle of the road and in the hospital they were declared DOA. Their souls now happily joined the others in their dream house for a sub lease.

Prathiba said...

@ Anonymous,

wow, that end iseven wierder than the one i have planned..
Cheers and keep visiting the blog :)

Anonymous said...

It seems to be so cold ever before they had experienced in thier life and they went near the shores of ECR beach and Anand and Aditi sitting next to each other wetted their legs in the cool water.

In the moon light her face was gliterring and her hairs flew away while she was resting on the shoulders of anand there was a sound which came from that cottage which scared them highly but anand manged to go near helding the hands of aditi .They peeped the window to their suprise it was the voice from the tape recorder and it was near the old man who is deep in his sleep.
Both of them were really shocked and came back next morning with the patrols to getted that man arrested and they did that and from his statement they came to know that all was his plan to get a place for his living and for his family too. Then anand presented aditi her desired gift and they lived happily .After 2 months the same sound came .................




this is thiru ur brother can u recognize me

vasanth said...

Now both of them where traveling in their Honda City Car to that cottage… Anand says…

Hey dear… I have gifted a huge amount to a old man without telling u…

Do you remember the day in which an old man told that there are some strange happenings taking place in the cottage which u liked….

Aditi : “yes Honey”

Anand:

The very next day I went to that cottage to find what’s happening in that place…. I found a old man inside the cottage… he was sitting in an old easy chair and relaxing

To my surprise the old man was the one who asked us not to buy the cottage… as soon as I saw him my faces turned red… I yelled at him like anything… that old man was in a embarrassed situation and did not speak out anything….

At that time an old lady came out of the kitchen… she was with tears in her eyes…

now Anand stopped the car in the toll plaza got the ticket and drove further and continued telling what happened after that

Anand Continues….


I was really shocked when I came to know that the couple lived in that cottage for more than 30 years…. And they have lost their only son before 30 years in an accident…. After that accident they spent all the money which they had to build that beautiful cottage outside the city so that they can spend their remaining life peacefully… but before a couple of years a Politician tried to acquire the land in which the cottage was built and do some real estate business there… the old man was not in a situation to fight against that Politician in this age…. So the old man decided to cheat the people who come there to buy the land…..

I felt pity on them and I paid money and got that cottage from that politician and gifted the cottage to that old couple….

Now Anand and Aditi reached the cottage…. Aditi was happy to hear what Anand did… and the old couple welcomed Anand and Aditi with a gr8 smile in their face…. They felt as if they have got their son back (as Anand)…

They both decided to spend money to renovate the cottage and clear all the wild trees, and also decide to spend all their vacations in the cottage with the old couple…

After 3 Years

Now Anand and Aditi are travelling in their BENZ S class car with Abi (their kid) to the cottage to meet Abi’s grandpa and grandma (Anand’s adopted dad and mom

Prathiba said...

@ Thiru,

Hi. Welcome to my blog.
Thats a really nice end, a twist in the tale :).
Keep visiting!!!

Prathiba said...

@ Vasanth,

Family sentiment ? Expected it from you. Good end, again twist in the tale..
Keep visiting the blog :)

Srini said...

@ vasanth's Family sentiment..

Vijay padam jaasti paarkum podhe nenachen :)